Dale Carnegie’s Personal Development top 3 techniques for
handling people shows simple but hugely effective things all
of us can do to influence others. I’ve been reading this
book ‘How to win friends and influence people’. You really
should get a copy.

Success books are about giving you an idea, or some stimulus
or some training to move you from one place to the next. We
really become the sum total of everything we absorb. I enjoy
reading these books – anything that can help me become a
better person I need!

How To Win Friends and Influence People

Dale Carnegie gives 3 tips in the first section of the book:
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People. See how you rate
yourself on these, they are invaluable both in our personal
lives and our business life.

1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain

Criticism, condemnation or complaining just alienates and
sets others against you. He advises:

‘When dealing with people, let us remember we are not
dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with
creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudice and
motivated by pride and vanity’.

Just think back to an experience where you have known this
to be true. What about if someone has criticized you, even
if it was deserved, did it make you want to help that person
or do something to make them happy? Or did it make you
withdraw somewhat, or get angry, irritated or annoyed.

The criticized person tends to justify themselves, because
they only see things from their own point of view. The blame
is not theirs but others.

All criticism does is make people defensive, resentful and
hurt. Ultimately the situation that needed to be changed
will remain.

Psychologists have proven in case studies that ‘animals
rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and
retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal
punished for bad behavior’.

Encouraging the good, having self-control and great
character should be the aim of all of us. ‘A great man (or
woman) shows greatness by the way he treats little men’.

There are some people who live to complain. Those customers
that call or email and just want to rant, or maybe you have
kids and they haven’t done what you’ve asked 10 times
already. You need to decide the type of person you want to
be known for. Learn patience, understanding and ‘speak the
good of everybody’.

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation

Dale Carnegie’s observation here is that the ‘deepest urge
in human nature is the desire to be important’. When we can
make people feel important you will have instant rapport.
Take the time to thank others, acknowledge their
contribution to something, notice even the little things
others do around you – they will open their heart to you
because you have cared about what they care about –
themselves!

‘Here is a gnawing and unfaltering human hunger, and the
rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger
will hold people in the palm of his or her hand and ‘even
the undertaker will be sorry when he dies’.

One of the greatest assets you can develop in yourself is
the ability to really appreciate and encourage those around
you. Be lavish in your praise and acknowledgement of
everyone you meet. Not in a false, mechanical way but
genuinely reach out and sincerely connect – it will reap
unbelievable rewards.

He tells a story to illustrate this truth:

‘According to this silly story, a farm woman, at the end of
her heavy day’s work, set before her menfolks a heaping pile
of hay. And when they indignantly demanded whether she had
gone crazy she replied: “Why, how did I know you’d notice?
I’ve been cooking for you men for the last twenty years and
in all that time I’ve heard no word to let me know you
wasn’t just eating hay.”

When a study was made a few years ago on runaway wives, what
do you think was discovered to be the main reason wives ran away?
It was ‘lack of appreciation’. And I’d bet that a similar study made of
runaway husbands would come out the same way. We often take
our spouses so much for granted that we never let them know
we appreciate them.’

This is not flattery we are talking about, or self-motivated
words to appease someone but genuine appreciation and
acknowledgment. You could be working in an office where the
cleaner comes and goes and you’ve never stopped to say thank
you.

You could pass the receptionist or supermarket checkout
assistant and never take the time to make them feel great.
Such a simple thing can cause you to have influence and
favor wherever you go.

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want

There is a quote in this section that is fascinating, it
says:

‘the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk
about what they want and show them how to get it’

He elaborates by saying:

‘The world is full of people who are grabbing and
self-seeking so the rare individual who unselfishly tries to
serve others has an enormous advantage’.

As a business owner you want to sell something to someone.
This is a great tip for your sales.

What does your customer want? In their words, what are they
looking for? When you can give them what they want, then you
can show them how to get it, you’ll have unlimited potential
to help your customers get exactly what they are looking
for. ‘Action springs out of what we fundamentally desire…’.

Carnegie says:

‘Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something.
Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: “How can I make
this person want to do it?” That question will stop us from
rushing into a situation heedlessly, with futile chatter
about our desires.’

He quotes Henry Ford as saying:

‘if there is any one secret of success, it lies in the
ability to get the other person’s point of view and see
things from that person’s angle as well as from your own’.

If we all just took a bit of time and worked on our personal
development and paid attention to those around us, treating
them how we ourselves would like to be treated, imagine how
great it would be. That feeling of being accepted and
important would build relationships both personally and
professionally. These keys really start to separate the
great from the ordinary, you really will ‘win friends and
influence people.